Love, Undeserved
by Just A Mirage
Summary: After hurting and betraying him, Bakura decides Ryou deserves better. Rated for language, yaoi, angst, rape, and attempted suicide
1. An Unthinkable Crime

I got the idea for this story listening to the song Dear God by Avenged Sevenfold (I've been obsessively listening to their songs for months now thanks to HikariTenshiYamiTenshi's fic Scream. Seriously, if you haven't read it, you should, it's good, if you don't mind lemons, lol.) The first lines of the chorus sounded like something someone who was about to commit suicide might say, and this developed from that! Even though I do use a few lines from the song, it's not a song fic. I change them a bit anyway. Originally, I had planned on this being another YYxY but I thought it fit YBxR better. On to the story!

Warnings: Language, Yaoi, Angst, Rape, Attempted Suicide, cheerful I know.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh or the song Dear God or anything else except this wonderfully angsty plot line. And the character Diem (he's all mine ^_^)

* * *

"Bakura, wake up!" Ryou yelled, pulling on an arm that protruded from a lump of blankets. "We're going to be late for school!"

"Urm..." mumbled the blankets, pulling the arm away and under the bundles. "Just say I'm sick or something."

"No, you've already missed too many days. C'mon!" Ryou pulled the blankets off the bed, revealing a half dressed Bakura, evidence of his and Ryou's activities last night still on his stomach.

"Hey!" he yelled, sitting up and pulling the blankets back from Ryou. "Forget it, I'm not going!"

"Yes, you are!" Ryou tugged on his arm again, this time pulling the thief off the bed.

Bakura's tempter immediately flared and he jumped up, eyes blazing, making Ryou flinch.

"I said I'm not going!" he bellowed, slapping Ryou across the face.

Shocked, the smaller boy just stood there, before tears started forming in his eyes.

"Don't you dare cry." Bakura warned, but groaned as silent tears fell down his hikari's face. "Ryou, stop crying!" he yelled, grabbing the boy's shoulders and shaking him, which only made him cry harder. "Ugh!" Bakura pushed him away and walked to the dresser to grab some clothes before heading to the bathroom. "You're going to be late for school if you don't leave..." he added, not looking at Ryou before closing the door.

Not bothering to wipe the tears from his face, Ryou quietly walked down the stairs and grabbed his backpack before heading out the door. Bakura had always had a temper, but rarely got physical. It seemed to be getting worse lately, though, and Ryou had gotten good at calming him down, but the problem arose when Bakura flared up unexpectedly, like this morning. It scared Ryou when this happened, because he never knew what would trigger it, so he didn't have time to defend himself or to try to diffuse the situation. The best he could do was to try not to make Bakura mad, but that was tricky when he was in an unagreeable mood, which seemed to be often.

Sighing, Ryou reached the game shop where Yugi and Yami lived with Yugi's grandfather. Ringing the doorbell, he stood back and wiped his eyes, hoping it wasn't obvious he had been crying. He really didn't want to talk about this, even with his best friends. Especially with his best friends.

* * *

"Yami! Ryou and Bakura are here!" Yugi yelled up the stairs, waiting for his dark to finish getting ready. "Hurry up!"

"I'm coming..." Yami stumbled down the stairs, pulling on a jacket. He always took longer getting ready, and often made the group late.

"Yami, your pants are on backwards," Yugi laughed.

"Oh, damn it! Why does school have to be so early?" Yami said, trudging back up the stairs.

"I'll be outside!" Yugi turned and walked over to the front door, opening it to reveal Ryou. The lack of Bakura really didn't surprise him much. "Hey!" he said, giving his friend a hug.

"Hey, Yugi. How are you?"

"I'm great! How about you?"

"I'm... good." Yugi smiled, not noticing the hesitation in Ryou's answer or that the smile he received in return was forced. He was usually pretty oblivious to things like that, always being so happy.

Yami opened the front door a minute later, pants corrected. His annoyed expression immediately softened at spotting Ryou, and he gave him a hug. "Hey, where's Bakura today?"

"He um... wasn't feeling good." Ryou lied, keeping his head down.

Yami watched him skeptically as he walked ahead with Yugi, listening while the other talked animatedly about the movie he and Yami had seen over the weekend. Yami could tell something wasn't right; Ryou was distracted and only occasionally nodded or shook his head when Yugi asked him a question. He decided he would ask him about it later.

A few minutes later, they reached Jou's house and he joined the group as they continued towards school. Staying behind the other two with Yami, he followed the other's unmoving gaze to the back of Ryou's head.

"So when are you going to tell him?" Jou asked, pulling Yami out of his thoughts.

"What?"

"When are you going to tell Ryou how you feel about him?"

"I can't, Jou..." Yami replied sadly, "He's in love with Bakura, no matter how undeserving that bastard is... If Ryou is happy with him, I don't want to ruin that."

"So your own happiness means nothing?"

"If me being happy means taking Ryou away from the one he loves and makes him happy, then no, it means nothing.

"Wow... that's a bummer." Jou eloquently said, kicking a pebble.

"Yeah..." Yami replied, returning his gave to Ryou, who was looking marginally more happy now. '_I don't see how Ryou could ever be with someone like Bakura. He doesn't deserve this angel's love..._' he thought, not understanding how life could be so cruel.

Finally arriving at school, the group of friends split up and headed towards their classes. Yami and Ryou had first period together so they walked down the hallway towards their class.

"Bakura hasn't been feeling well a lot lately." Yami mentioned nonchalantly, looking straight ahead.

"What? Oh, um yeah." Ryou mumbled, staring at the ground.

"He isn't sick, is he?"

"...no he's not." he sighed, not really seeing a reason to keep lying for Bakura about this. "He just doesn't see the point in coming to school."

"Ryou, what happened to your face?" Yami asked as the two walked into the classroom full of chattering students.

"It's that obvious?" Ryou groaned, sitting down at the desk next to Yami.

"No, most people probably won't notice. I'm just more observant than most people. What happened?"

"Um... well, like I said, Bakura didn't want to come to school today, and I was trying to get him out of bed, and he got mad..."

"So he hit you?!" Yami exclaimed, his hatred for the thief growing ten fold.

"Yami, don't worry about it, I shouldn't have tried to make him come..." Ryou sighed, already regretting telling Yami about it.

"It's not your fault, Ryou. Bakura should never lay a finger on you out of anger! You shouldn't have to put up with that!" Yami whispered in a harsh tone as the teacher walked in and quieted down the class.

"Yami, forget it! It was nothing, it's not your problem." Ryou whispered back. Yami was about to protest, but was cut off by the teacher calling role. He didn't get another chance to talk to Ryou for the rest of the class, and when the bell rang, Ryou was the first one out of the door. Sighing, Yami stood up and headed towards his next class.

The rest of the day, Yami tried to get Ryou aside to talk to him, but the boy was avoiding him. In biology, he immediately paired up with Yugi, and was conveniently taking a math test at lunch. By the end of the day, Yami had given up, decided to just keep an eye on him from a distance.

As the group walked out of the building after school, Ryou pulled away from the group and headed over to the chain link fence.

"I'll see you tomorrow, guys." he said, leaning back.

"You're not walking home with us?" Yugi asked, walking over to him.

"I called Bakura at lunch, he's coming to pick me up." He answered, avoiding eye contact with Yami who, with Jou, had come over, too.

"Well, we'll wait for him with you then. Is that alright with you guys?" Yugi asked, turning to Yami and Jou, who both agreed.

"Thanks, Yugi," Ryou smiled, "Oh crap, I just remembered I forgot my math book in my locker. I'll be right back." He said taking off towards the school.

As soon as he entered the building, a car pulled up and everyone's favorite albino thief stepped out.

"Where's Ryou?" Bakura asked, eyeing his hikari's friends suspiciously.

"He went inside to grab his math book." Yami said, "May I talk to you?" he added, pulling him away from Yugi and Jou, who were already talking about something else anyway. Yami used his shadow magic to sound proof the two of them.

"What, Pharaoh?" Bakura snapped, glaring at Yami.

"So you're hitting Ryou, now, are you?" he spat back, also glaring.

Bakura's eyes widened. "What?! That's none of your business!"

"Like hell it isn't! I don't even know how Ryou could be in love with someone like you in the first place. You sure as hell don't deserve it! How could you hit someone you supposedly love? _Do_ you even love him?"

"Of course I love him!"

"Well then you need to act like it! I doubt he's even sure you still love him, the way you act! But you probably haven't even noticed how unhappy he's been lately anyway, you don't spend any time with him except when you want a fuck!"

Bakura laughed. "You'd be one to talk about being oblivious, Pharaoh! How long has Yugi been in love with you, now?"

"What are you talking about?" Yami said, caught off guard by the statement.

"God, you must be more stupid than I thought!" Bakura shouted, "Yugi's been completely in love with you for months now but you've been too busy obsessing over _my_ hikari to even notice!"

"And how would you know that?" Yami glanced over to Yugi, glad he couldn't hear this conversation.

"It's simple. Yugi spills his heart and soul to Ryou and I read Ryou's mind. It's pretty pathetic, actually, how Yugi's whole world revolves around someone who doesn't even give him the time of day."

"Shut up!" Yami screamed, advancing on the other spirit.

"You sure you want to do that with sweet, little Ryou watching?" Bakura sneered, looking over Yami's shoulder.

Yami whipped around, spotting Ryou coming out of the school building. Dispelling the shadow magic, he tried to calm down.

"You guys aren't trying to kill each other again, are you?" Ryou asked, approaching the group.

"Well, I didn't hear them arguing..." Yugi said, eyeing the two suspiciously, now noticing the flushed look on Yami's face.

"It was nothing," Bakura said, incredibly calm for the exchange that had just happened. "I was just telling Yami to stay out of other people's business. Let's go, Ryou."

Ryou gave Yami a nervous look before heading towards the car. "I'll see you tomorrow, guys."

"Bye!" Yugi said, turning to walk down the street with Yami and Jou.

In the car, Bakura drove in silence. Yami's words had hurt; what if Ryou really didn't think he loved him anymore, or worse, didn't love him back? After arguing with himself for several minutes, he finally spoke.

"Hey, Ryou?"

"Hmm?"

"You uh... you know I love you, right?"

Ryou looked up, "Of course I do."

"And... you love me back?"

"Bakura, of course I love you, why are you asking?"

"It's nothing..."

"Was it something Yami said?" Ryou asked, concern written all over his face.

"No... I just wanted to make sure." Well that was half-true, anyway.

"Ok..." Ryou said quietly, and the silence returned.

When they got home, Ryou was surprised by Bakura who made dinner. After eating the overcooked macaroni and cheese, which was probably the only thing Bakura knew how to make, they decided to watch a movie. Bakura let Ryou pick, and he didn't protest but was definitely curious as to what caused this change in his dark.

'_Maybe it _was_ something Yami said..._' he thought, ' _But what the hell could anybody say to make Bakura act like this? Well, I'm not complaining._" Snuggling up to him, Ryou placed his head on Bakura's shoulder, trying to remember the last time he had been in this position. It seemed like the only time they spent together anymore was to have sex, and although he enjoyed it, Ryou missed just sitting with him, not caring about anything else in the world, just holding and being held by his love.

* * *

In the following days, Ryou continued to get special treatment from Bakura; he held his hand while walking to school, he asked how his day went while they ate supper together, he even tucked Ryou into bed. Ryou still didn't understand what had caused this, but enjoyed it immensely, more in love with Bakura than ever.

As the weeks wore on, however, things slowly began returning to how they had been before. Bakura started coming up with new excuses not to go to school or to miss dinner. He started forgetting to tuck Ryou in, too busy with other things to notice his light's eyes slowly darkening when around him.

* * *

For the first day this week, Bakura headed out the door with Ryou to walk to school. Ryou looked at him expectantly but Bakura didn't make a move to grab his hand, instead looking at the sky. He felt bad as Ryou sighed, obviously disappointed, but he just wasn't the type of person to show emotion like that. The past few weeks he had gone out of his way to show Ryou that he loved him, but it was getting more and more forced. He would just have to hope that Ryou wouldn't doubt his love, even if he didn't outwardly show it.

Arriving at school, Bakura waited for Ryou and the rest of his friends to leave for class before heading out side. The only class that mattered to him was the one he had with Ryou; the rest could go to hell. Sitting down under a tree, he waited for third period to come.

After resorting to watching clouds, throwing pebbles, and using shadow magic to torment some innocent birds, the bell signaling the end of second period finally rang. Getting up, he walked into the building.

Heading into math, he looked around and spotted an open seat next to Ryou. Taking it, he tapped him on the shoulder. Ryou turned, smiled, and turned back to continue his conversation with Yugi. Annoyed, Bakura looked around the classroom, glaring at all the happily chatting students. He was about to pull out a notebook and start doodling people being executed when a lone figure by the door caught his eye.

A boy stood there, looking around nervously. He had pure white hair, even whiter than Bakura's and Ryou's, that fell straight and shaggy to a little shorter than shoulder length. He looked to only be a little taller than Ryou, and was pretty damn good looking, even in Bakura's standards.

'_Huh... he must be new_,' he thought, and his suspicions were confirmed as the teacher quieted down the class and directed the boy to the center of the room.

"Class, I'd like you to meet our new foreign exchange student. Go ahead and introduce yourself."

"Um, hi. My name is Diem." The boy said, speaking in a perfect Australian accent. Half of the girls in the class swooned and started giggling, making Bakura roll his eyes. '_Oh please, these girls could be seduced by a toad if it were cute..._' Something didn't seem right about this boy, but Bakura couldn't place a finger on exactly what it was.

Intending to ask Ryou what he thought, Bakura turned, but stopped short. Ryou's jaw was dropped and he was staring at the boy like he was the best thing he had ever seen. As he started walking down the isle to take his seat, he caught Ryou's eye, making him blush. After he passed, Ryou, along with the rest of the class, turned to watch him walk to the back of the room, his eyes not leaving his ass, this not going unnoticed by Bakura.

"Ryou!" he said, feeling jealous of the lust he saw in his hikari's eyes. '_When was the last time he looked at me like that?_'

Ryou jerked out of his thoughts, another blush appearing on his face as he looked at Bakura. Turning back to his notebook, he got out his homework and handed it to the teacher, trying hard to ignore the piercing stare he knew was on him.

"Well, well... Nice of you to actually join us today." The teacher said, coming over to Bakura's desk. "Do you have your homework by chance?"

Bakura's temper started to rise. How dare this woman talk to him like a common student! "The fuck I have my homework! I haven't done it all year, why do you think I would now? Why would I waste my time on something so pointless? I don't even know why I came today in the first place!" he yelled, getting up and storming out of the room.

Walking outside, he tried to calm down. Everything had happened so fast; the new guy, Ryou's attraction to him, and then the teacher. He hadn't meant to blow up, he was really trying to control his temper. Sighing, he went to sit down under the tree again to wait for school to be over so he and Ryou could go home.

When the last class of the day finally let out, Bakura got up and watched kids file out until he spotted Ryou among the crowd. Pushing through people to get to him, he fell in step behind him until the crowd started to thin. Ryou immediately started walking in the direction of home.

"Aren't you going to wait for your friends?" Bakura asked. Not that he cared, he was just curious.

"I told them I wanted to talk to you."

"Oh. About what?" Ideas of Ryou breaking him with him ran through his head, but he quickly pushed them away. He couldn't think like that right now.

"What the hell was that in math?" Ryou turned to look at Bakura, walking backwards.

"Oh yeah... I'm sorry, she just... pissed me off..."

"Well obviously. I thought you were going to control your temper?"

"Ryou, I'm trying. I'm just not very good at it yet. And she was being a bitch..."

"Well she wouldn't have been if you just came to school and did your work... Please, refrain from yelling at the teachers in the future. It's embarrassing having my boyfriend blow up in the middle of the class. Everyone looks at me like it's my fault..."

The two fell silent and didn't talk again as they continued walking. As they neared home, Bakura was curious as to why Ryou had a slight pink tinge on his cheeks. Probing his mind, Bakura started watching Ryou's thoughts.

_They were back in the classroom, the bell had just rung, and the students were filing out. Ryou was packing up his books when the new boy, what was his name again? Oh yeah, Diem. When Diem came up to him and placed a hand on his arm, stopping him from moving. As the last of the students left the room, Ryou turned around to look at Diem, the other boy slowly leaning in, closing his eyes. Ryou did the same, and their lips met, quickly turning into a heated kiss. Pushing Ryou back onto the desk, Diem climbed up ontop of him and stradled him, deepening the kiss, unbuttoning his shirt..._

Jealousy flooded over Bakura again as he pulled out of Ryou's mind. '_So he's already having sexual fantasies about him, is he? How long until he acts upon them?_' He tried to stay calm, but became annoyed as a soft moan escaped Ryou. Apparently, the fantasy had turned... intense.

"Why don't you just go fuck him and be done with it?" Bakura snapped, opening the front door of their house.

"What? Who?"

"You know who. That new kid, Diem. You're already having fantasies about him."

Bakura immediately felt a mental wall appear between his and Ryou's minds. "Stay out of my head, Bakura! It's none of your business!"

"I'm just saying, if you think you'd be happier with him, then go for it."

"It was just a fantasy, Bakura, it doesn't mean I want it to happen in real life! You've had fantasies of other people, too!"

"That was one time! And it wasn't a fantasy, it was a dream. You can't control what you dream! And I didn't enjoy it like a fantasy either, it was disturbing."

"It was a pretty _wet _dream to be disturbing. Maybe it was your subconscious telling you what you really want." Ryou said sarcastically, throwing his backpack on the floor.

"Not in a million years..." Bakura shuddered as the memory of the dream of him and Yami getting it on replayed in his head.

"Whatever, just stay out of my mind." Ryou said, closing their bedroom door behind him.

Bakura sat down on the couch. '_Shit I made him mad again..._' Trying to distract himself from that annoying guilt feeling in his stomach, he flipped on the TV. Not really watching, he ran through ideas of what to do to make Ryou feel better. Coming up empty, he sighed, laying down, and started watching the soap opera that was on.

A few hours later, Bakura got up to go see what Ryou was doing. He had decided to see if he couldn't make him forget his silly fantasies. Coming into their room, Ryou sat at the computer, typing up a paper for school.

"Hey, Ryou." Bakura said, coming over to stand by the computer.

"Hey, Bakura," Ryou answered absently, intent on his typing.

"Why don't you take a break from this paper for a bit..."

"Can't. It's due tomorrow, and I'm not even halfway done." This was a lie; he only had two more paragraphs to go, but he knew what Bakura was trying to do and just wasn't in the mood at the moment.

"C'mon... You've been working so hard, you don't want to burn yourself out. Take a break." Bakura said, wrapping his arms about Ryou's neck.

"No, I just want to finish it now. Bakura!" Ryou yelled as the other picked him up and carried him to the bed. "Stop it, I don't want to do this right now!"

Bakura started getting annoyed at Ryou's protests as he laid him down on the bed and climbed on top of him. He was only trying to help. Plus, he was horny now, it wasn't like he could just stop...

"Get off of me!" Ryou yelled, annoyed as he started getting hard to Bakura's touches. He hated how much control his dark had over him when it came to things like this. Bakura continued kissing him and rubbing their hips together. Ryou felt his pants being removed and decided he wasn't going to be manipulated this time. Not again.

Pushing Bakura off, Ryou made a move to get off the bed, but his wrist was caught and Bakura pulled him back, pinning both of his hands above his head. "Bakura, stop it!"

Bakura's temper flared once again as Ryou attempted to kick him. Using shadow magic, he tied his ankles and wrists to the bed so he couldn't move, and then removed the rest of both of their clothes.

"Bakura, don't you dare do this! Let me go!" Ryou screamed, panic starting to set in. Would Bakura really go so far as to force himself upon him? His question was answered as Bakura laughed, completely overcome and blinded by anger.

"Let you go? But I haven't gotten what I wanted yet. It didn't have to be like this... it was your choice." Without bothering to use lotion or to prepare Ryou, he slammed into him, causing him to scream out in pain. This only charged Bakura up more, and he continued to thrust into his light, feeding off of his pained screams.

* * *

Rolling off of the bed, Bakura stood up and turned to look at the shaking form that remained. Ryou was curled up, sobbing, and lying in a pool of blood and semen. As the realization of what he had just done set in, waves of self-hatred crashed over Bakura. "Ryou..."

"Get away from me!" Ryou screamed, turning away from his dark.

Bakura opened his mouth, but didn't know what to say. Sorry? That would never be enough for the evil he had just committed. Instead, he silently turned around and walked out of the room. In the kitchen, he sat down. Yami's words ran through his head again. '_He's right... I don't deserve Ryou's love..._' Picking up a piece of paper, he wrote a short note before getting up and leaving the house. He would never be forgiven for this, and he didn't deserve to be.

As he walked, he thought about the day he had finally asked Ryou out. It had taken all of his will power to put himself out on a ledge like that, completely vulnerable. He had been ecstatic when Ryou said yes. It was the happiest day of his life by a long shot. But slowly, they had started falling into a pattern, started losing that initial infatuation that had brought them together. '_What happened?_' he thought sadly, as he reached his destination. Stepping over the railing of the bridge, he stared down at the rushing water below him.

'_Come on... jump. Do it. You have no purpose in living without Ryou and now you've gone and thrown that away. You don't deserve to live._' Even though he believed full-heartedly with these thoughts, he couldn't bring himself to jump. He really didn't want to die, but couldn't see any alternative. He really had no reason to live without Ryou, no other ties to this world that he was not even suppose to be in. Even after an hour of standing there, he could not jump. Instead of continuing to tell himself what he already knew, he decided to try a new tactic.

Taking a deep breath, Bakura sat down and thought of what he wanted for Ryou. "Dear God, the only thing I ask of you is to hold him when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away, after I'm gone." He whispered, tears threatening to fall. He quickly wiped them away, not daring to cry. Crying was the ultimate sign of weakness, and he could not afford to be weak right now. Still, he started shaking with remorse and sadness. There was nothing else in the world right now that he hated more than himself. "We all need that person who can be true to you, and for Ryou, that's not me anymore. He will no longer have to worry about my temper, about being embarrassed by me, about being hurt by me... He deserves better... I am worthless to him now, which makes my entire life worthless..." Standing up and taking a step forward, he was about to jump when he heard the one voice that could stop him.

"Bakura!" Ryou yelled, running down the street, tears streaming down his face. "Don't do it!"

"I have to, Ryou," he said, turning back towards the water.

"'Kura, no!" Bakura flinched, hearing the nickname Ryou used to call him when they first started going out. Painful memories... "Please don't!"

"I'm sorry, Ryou. I love you." Bakura whispered, taking a step. Ryou reached the spot where he had just been as he slipped out of view, falling towards the water.

"BAKURA!" He heard Ryou scream as he hurtled down. He knew this was better for Ryou in the long run, even if he didn't see that right now. He would move on, find someone better, fall in love, be truly happy. That was all Bakura wanted for him. Closing his eyes, he plunged into the icy current.

* * *

Oh my =( lots of angst. Don't worry, it doesn't end like that! There's a second chapter coming soon!

I'm such a sucker for Australian accents... I plan on marrying an Australian man just for his accent!

Bakura: Nobody cares! Move on with it!

Sorry! Review and tell me what you think!


	2. Moving On

Here we are! I spent all of math class and all afternoon finishing writing, typing, and editing this chapter when I should have been reading psychology so I hope you guys appreciate it! So there's no need to be slitting any throats *looks around suspiciously*

* * *

The front door slammed shut. Shaking, Ryou didn't move from the bed. His whole body ached, but it was nothing compared to what his heart was feeling. It was so far broken he didn't think he could ever fix it... How could Bakura do this to him? Didn't he love or respect him anymore?

Ryou remembered looking into Bakura's eyes as he was on top of him, trying to distract himself from the excruciating pain. His eyes had been void of all emotion expect lust and anger. This had not been the Bakura he was in love with; no, he had been taken over by the demon inside of him. Ryou was certain that if he had been in his right mind, he would never have done something like this... But did that excuse such an act? Where was the line between sane and insane?

Of course it had also been partially his fault... he should have just done what Bakura wanted. He knew he had already been on a short fuse that day, why didn't he see something like this coming?

Sighing, Ryou stood up, wincing at the pain, and limped to the bathroom to take a shower. He knew he should hate Bakura right now, after what he had done, but he didn't. He didn't know how he felt about him... Sure, he was angry about what had happened, he was hurt that his love would violate him like this, and he hated himself for not preventing it from happening... but he could not bring himself to hate Bakura.

Letting the hot water run over his body, he sat down and let the tears fall down his face. '_Our love used to be so strong... what happened? When did it just become a game of avoiding arguments? When did we stop talking to each other? Why did this have to happen?_' he asked, waiting in the silence for the answers he knew would not come.

Almost half an hour later, Ryou finally stepped out of the shower. Drying himself off, he looked at his body in the mirror. Bruises were already forming around his wrists and thighs, and all along his arms. Grabbing some clothes, he was sure to pick a long sleeved shirt.

After he was dressed, he walked down the hallway, wincing with every step. Reaching the end, he peeked around the corner before remembering he had heard Bakura leave. He walked into the kitchen and sat down in the chair that, unbenounced to him, Bakura had been sitting in not long before. Burying his head in his knees, new tears began to fall. What happened now? Would Bakura leave him, or would they continue to try to make their relationship work, pretending that nothing happened but never really fully recovering? Ryou didn't have an answer, but he knew he was still in love with Bakura, and he didn't think he could live without him.

Leaning his head back, he took a deep breath, eyes closed, trying to clear his mind. The first step was to just calm down. He didn't think he was ready to talk to Bakura yet anyway... Opening his eyes, he spotted a piece of paper on the table. He immediately recognized the handwriting as Bakura's and picked it up.

_Ryou,  
I could never apologize enough for what I have done to you. I do not deserve to be forgiven, nor to continue receiving your love. For this reason, I must leave you and this world where I do not belong. You deserve better, and I believe you will find it, but only after I am no longer holding you back. Please, do not remember me as who I was tonight, but as the one who you fell in love with. I will be watching over you._

_-Bakura_

Ryou's eyes widened as he realized what Bakura was planning to do. "Shit!" he yelled, running outside into the dark. Throwing down the wall he had placed, he searched Bakura's mind, trying to figure out where he was. Pinpointing his location, he took off running, praying to God he was not too late.

After taking several wrong turns, Ryou finally caught sight of the bridge. He scanned the walkways while he kept running, spotting a dark figure stand up on the other side of the railing.

"Bakura!" he screamed, making the other stop. "Don't do it!"

"I have to, Ryou." He heard him say, turning back to stare at the water.

A million thoughts ran through Ryou's head, trying to come up with something to stop the other from jumping. "'Kura!" he yelled, as a last ditch effort. He hadn't called Bakura that since they had first started going out. Ryou saw him flinch; so it was painful for him, too...

Getting closer, Ryou heard Bakura whisper something, but couldn't make it out. Just as he reached the railing and threw his arm over to try to grab something, anything, Bakura took a step... and was gone.

"Bakura!" Ryou screamed, not believing what he just saw. If it were possible, his heart shattered into even more pieces as he heard a splash from the river below. Panic started to set in. Running down to the middle of the bridge, he spotted a small fishing boat heading down the river.

"Please, help! My friend just jumped off the bridge!" he yelled, waving his arms to try to get the man's attention.

Finally noticing the flailing boy, the man shut off the boat's engine. "What's that?" he yelled back.

"My friend! He jumped off the bridge!" Ryou ran back to where Bakura had been only moments before, pointing to the water.

Turning his boat back on, the man maneuvered over to where Ryou was pointing. "Here?"

"Yes!" Shutting off the boat again, the man jumped into the river. Ryou moved from foot to foot, hyperventilating. As the seconds ticked by, he became more and more nervous. What if he couldn't find him? What if it was too late?

Just as he thought he would break from the suspense, the man surfaced again, a limp Bakura in his arms. Immediately, Ryou ran to the end of the bridge and around, down to the shore of the river. Pulling the boat up, the man dropped anchor, and Ryou jumped on.

Snapping his cell phone shut, the man knelt down beside Bakura's body. "An ambulance is on the way." he said, leaning down and placing his ear by Bakura's mouth.

"Is he going to be ok?" Ryou asked anxiously, not wanting to even consider the alternatives.

"He isn't breathing..." the man said, starting CPR. Sirens would be heard in the distance as Ryou knelt down and took Bakura's hand. "Please Bakura... you can't leave me. Please don't be dead. You can't do this to me! Not now!" he sobbed, squeezing his hand.

Giving three slow breaths, the man sat up and placed his hands on Bakura's chest. Starting compressions, water gushed out of Bakura's mouth. When he failed to start breathing on his own, the man leaned down, repeating the process.

After several rounds of breaths and compressions, he sat back on his heals and waited. Ryou didn't dare breathe as he watched his dark's face, praying for a miracle. Closing his eyes, he began to fear the worst, suffocating in the silence...

And then Bakura coughed. Gasping for breath, he continued to bring up more water.

"Thank God!" Ryou said, throwing himself over Bakura's still coughing form, but was pushed off.

"He's not out of the woods, yet. Looks like he got a pretty bad concussion from hitting the water. He's out of it." The man said, covering and uncovering Bakura's eyes to check for dilation.

"The ambulance is here!" Ryou yelled, jumping up to show the paramedics down to the boat. The man stepped aside, allowing them to take over.

"What's him name?" one of them asked, checking his pulse.

"It's Bakura. Is he going to be ok?" Ryou asked, moving around to try to get a better view.

"Bakura, can you hear me?" the paramedic asked, only getting an incoherent mumble in reply. Ripping open his shirt, he rubbed his knuckles against Bakura's sternum, making him groan. "Positive response to painful stimuli... let's get him to the rig." He said placing a backboard next to him. Together, the paramedics rolled him onto it and picked it up, moving carefully but quickly up the shore, followed by Ryou and the man.

"Can we come?" Ryou asked as they transferred Bakura to a gurney.

"Are you family?"

"Uhh, yeah, I'm his brother. " he lied, thankful that he and Bakura looked so alike.

"Ok, hop in."

"I'll come, too." The man said, also climbing into the back of the ambulance. "I'm a trained paramedic from out of town." He added before the others could protest.

The doors were swung shut and the ambulance raced off down the street, sirens blaring. Ryou was stuck in a corner, watching as the paramedics buzzed around Bakura's body, taking measurements and putting in IVs.

"Is he going to be ok?" Ryou asked again, trying not to get in the way as the others rushed around the tiny space.

"He's conscious, but for how long, I don't know. He's not aware of his surroundings, and isn't responding to his name. It looks like he shattered his left ankle and broke the tibia and fibula, probably on contact with the water or bottom of the river." A young woman said before reading off different stats from a monitor.

Ryou had taken anatomy last semester, so he at least understood some of what was being said. Before long, they arrived at Domino General Hospital. Moving to the side, he allowed the paramedics to roll Bakura out before jumping out and following them into the ER.

"Greene! Carter! We've got a critical here!" the young woman yelled and two doctors jumped up and followed them into the trauma room. Ryou was about to follow, too, when a hand caught him on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw a smiling nurse with curly black hair.

"Sorry, you can't go in there," she said sweetly, leading him away. He looked over his shoulder at the doctor's yelling orders and running around Bakura's body before they fell out of view as he was led him around a corner. "Let's got to the waiting room."

Ryou let the nurse lead him through the halls, not having the will to fight. His brain was in a lock, not fully comprehending what was going on.

"What's your name?" the nurse asked, reaching a room with various arrangements of chairs and tabled with magazines.

"Ryou," he answered, sitting down next to her.

"Is that your brother in there?"

"Yeah,"

"Well, Ryou, some of the very best doctor's in this hospital are working on him now. If anyone can make sure he'll be ok, it's them." Ryou nodded, thankful for this nurse's kindness. "How about I get you something from the cafeteria?" she asked, patting him on the knee before getting up and heading out of the room. Ryou sighed deeply, putting his head in his hands.

"You were lucky his foot got caught in the mud." Someone said, startling Ryou. He looked up and saw the man who had helped them coming over to sit by him. He had completely forgotten about the man when they arrived at the hospital. "If it hadn't, he probably would have been carried down current, and I wouldn't of been able to find him."

"Thank you so much for helping us!" Ryou said, although this seemed rather unsatisfactory to show just how thankful he was.

"It was the least I could do. I haven't been a practicing paramedic for years now, I've gone into psychology since then, it's much less physically demanding, but my instincts and skills are still good." He said, smiling.

This was the first time Ryou had a chance to get a good look at the man. He looked old, maybe in his seventies, and had short grey hair and a stubbly beard. If he grew it out, he would probably look like Santa Claus. There was something about him that just had a calming effect; it made Ryou feel like everything was going to be ok. For that, he was also thankful. He needed it.

"I hope ham and cheese is ok," Ryou looked up and saw the nurse walking over, sandwich and juice in hand. "And I got the last pudding cup."

"Thank you," he said, taking the food.

"I have to go back to work now, but I'll tell the doctor to find you when they are done, ok?"

"Ok," She smiled and walked back towards the ER. Ryou watched her go before taking a bite of the sandwich. He was hungrier than he thought, having not eaten since lunch.

"So what's your favorite color?" the man asked.

"What?" Ryou was puzzled by the question; he had expected to be interrogated on what had happened and why he had wasted this man's entire night, not something so trivial as his favorite color.

"It's simple. What's your favorite color?" he repeated.

"Umm... red."

"Mhm..." the man said, considering his answer like it was the answer to all of life's questions. "And what is your favorite food?"

"Pizza."

"What kind of pizza?"

"Cheese."

"Just cheese?"

"Yeah, just cheese. Anything else ruins it for me."

"Interesting, interesting..." Ryou laughed at the man's mock seriousness. "Your favorite place to visit?"

"That's easy. The mountains."

"And why is that?"

"Well..." Ryou considered this for a second. "I guess it's just because it's so far away from the big cities, and it's so quiet and peaceful. And at night, there are so many stars, it's amazing. They almost blanket the entire sky, it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen... Last year, Bakura took me and-" Ryou choked on Bakura's name, reality flooding back to his mind. What if memories like that were all he was going to have left? Tears started to form as he remembered him and Bakura lying in a clearing of trees, just holding each other and looking up into the night sky...

"What's your favorite subject in school?" the man asked, pulling Ryou out of his thoughts.

"Oh um... English, I guess. Since I'm good at it."

"And your favorite book?" he asked, watching Ryou carefully.

And so the questions continued, ranging from everything from if he thought if Pluto should be considered a planet or not to what he would name a pet tarantula if he had one. Before he knew it, an hour had passed since they had arrived.

"Let's see..." the man contemplated, thinking of something else he could ask. "Would you go to the moon if you ever had the chance?"

"I don't know." Ryou answered, thinking about it." It would be scary, having all the risks of everything going wrong. And it would be a lot of hard training."

Just then, a mother walked in, carrying her crying son. She looked like she had been up all night with him, closing her eyes as she sat down and tried to comfort him. Ryou's heart went out to them, not once thinking of his own situation in comparison to theirs.

Before the man could ask another question, a doctor walked in that Ryou recognized as one of the ones who had worked on Bakura.

"Ryou?" the doctor asked, coming over to where they were sitting. "I'm Doctor Greene." He looked to be about middle aged and balding, and wore glasses. "I heard you met Nurse Hathaway." Ryou nodded, taking note of the name; he would have to thank her later.

"Well, your brother Bakura was moved to the ICU. He's stable for the moment, but in bad condition. Before I take you to see him, I have to ask what happened. Was he trying to commit suicide?"

"No!" Ryou answered, scrambling to come up with a story. "No, we had been over at a friend's house and lost track of time so it was already dark when we left. We had been messing around, and he hopped the railing to walk on the other side. I told him to quit it and to come back on this side, but he just laughed and started running and I guess he must of hit a patch of gravel or something and slipped. Luckily, he was there," he said, motioning to the man sitting next to him, "and he pulled him out and onto his boat." He glanced over at the man, relieved that he didn't challenge the story. He could of easily told the doctor what had actually happened.

"Alright. Well, I'll take you to see him now. Sorry, family only." Dr. Greene said, looking at the man. Ryou turned and gave him a sad look, but he only smiled.

"It's alright, I need to get going anyway," he said, standing up. "I'll be praying for you and Bakura."

"Thank you," Ryou said, watching the man leave.

"Shall we go, then?" Dr. Greene asked. Ryou got up and walked over to the trashcan to throw out his trash. He was about to through out his uneaten pudding cup but stopped. Instead, he walked over to the mother and son and tapped the little boy on the shoulder.

Sniffing, the boy turned in his mother's lap to look at Ryou.

"Here," Ryou said, giving him the pudding cup. "I thought you might like this." The boy's face immediately lit up as he took the pudding.

"Thank you," the mother said. Ryou smiled and nodded before turning to follow Dr Greene.

"I have to stay down here to see other patients," Dr. Greene said, leading Ryou back through the halls. "But Dr. Carter went up with Bakura and is waiting for you there." Arriving at the elevators, he pressed the button before turning to Ryou. "The ICU is on the seventh floor."

"Ok," Ryou said, watching him walk into an exam room to see another patient. Turning back to the elevator, the doors opened and he stepped in.

Two floors up, the doors opened again and a nurse wheeled in a teenaged girl. She looked at Ryou, giving him a flirtatious smile. He smiled back; she was definitely pretty, he thought. Every few seconds she would glance over, and Ryou started getting nervous.

"Hi," she finally said, "My name's Kennedy."

"Ryou,"

"What are you in for?"

"My... brother. He just got transferred to the ICU." He had almost said boyfriend, but remember that here, he was related to Bakura.

"Oh, my mom's in the ICU, too. We were in a car accident yesterday, and she got the worse of it. I just broke my leg." She said, holding up her cast-clad leg.

"Oh, I'm sorry..."

"It's ok, she's gonna pull though..." An awkward silence fell over the elevator. Thankfully, they reached the seventh floor, and the doors opened.

"Well, I hope your mom's ok..." Ryou said, stepping out.

"Hey, would you mind signing my cast?" Kennedy asked, waving away the nurse.

"Oh sure," he came over and took the Sharpie the girl was holding. Squatting down, he found an empty spot and signed his name. He drew a smiley face next to it before standing up and handing back the Sharpie. "There, now you'll remember me forever."

Kennedy giggled, and Ryou mentally slapped himself; he didn't want to lead her on. He wasn't interested in her _that_ way.

"Thanks. I hope your brother's ok, too!" she said, turning her wheelchair around.

"Yeah, thanks. Bye."

"Toodles!" She raised her hand over her shoulder and wiggled her fingers as she wheeled away down the hall.

Turning to walk towards the admit desk, Ryou turned his thoughts to where he was going. '_Right... Dr. Carter is waiting for me and will take me to Bakura. Wait... What did Dr. Carter look like again? Will he know what I look like?_'

His questions were answered, though, as he spotted a young doctor standing by the desk who he recognized from the ER. He was very handsome, looking to be in his late twenties. Spotting Ryou, he put down the pen he had been messing with. "Are you Ryou?"

"Yeah,"

"Alright, I'll take you to your brother. Be warned, he's in bad shape. He has a tube down his throat to help him breath, and he fell into a coma when we were working on him in the ER. He got pretty beat up when he hit the water, His brain was deprived of oxygen for a short time, but we don't think it caused any brain damage. Here we are. A nurse will be in shortly to check on him." He said, showing Ryou a door that looked identical to the rest in the hall. Dr. Carter walked away, leaving Ryou to stare at the door. Taking a deep breath, he reached forward and opened it, stepping into the room.

Walking over to the bed, he looked down at Bakura. He looked so peaceful, almost like he was sleeping... But Ryou knew better. Pulling up a chair, he sat down, taking Bakura's hand into his.

"Why?" he whispered, tears coming to his eyes. "Why did this have to happen? Why did you think it would be better if you were dead? I can't believe... you would think that... I can't live without you, Bakura. I love you." He sobbed, laying his head on his dark's chest, listening to his heartbeat. He didn't know what he would do if Bakura didn't pull though for some reason. But he also didn't know what he would do if Bakura recovered. They're relationship would never be the same... For the moment, he would just have to wait and see what happened. He would deal with whatever came next when it happened.

A few hours later, a nurse brought in a bed for Ryou when it became apparent he wasn't leaving. He only let Bakura out of his sight to go to the bathroom and had his meals brought up so he didn't have to leave. The next day, Yugi, Yami, Jou, and a few other of Ryou's friends came to visit. They offered to take watch for him so he could go home, get changed, take a shower, but he refused.

As the days went by, Ryou's friends slowly stopped coming. Two weeks after they had arrived, only Yugi and Yami were still visiting, and he could tell it was starting to get uncomfortable with them, too. They often made excuses to leave early, and Ryou had almost asked them on several occasions why they came at all. But he didn't; if they wanted to come waste their time here, he wasn't going to stop them.

**

* * *

**"How's he doing?" Ryou asked, watching the doctor as he read the results of some tests.

"Well, he's doing better. We suspect he'll be coming out of his coma any day now, but it's impossible to tell. The pins we placed in his ankle are setting nicely, so that shouldn't be a problem. Overall, I think he's fairing very well; better than most up here in the ICU, anyway."

"Ok, thank you." The doctor left and Ryou turned back to Bakura. "Your going to be alright..." he said softly.

Just then, the door opened and in walked a very somber looking Yami. Ryou sighed; when was he going to stop forcing himself to visit?

"Hey Yami. Where's Yugi?" he asked, noticing the lack of Yami's hikari who had been like a shadow to him lately.

"I didn't tell him I was coming." Yami replied, pulling up a chair next to Ryou. They sat in silence, listening to the various monitors. After a few minutes, Yami shifted in his chair.

"Ryou, how long are you going to wait?"

Ryou didn't hesitate in answering, "As long as it takes. The doctor said he should be out of his coma any day now, and even if he isn't, I'll stay here until he is."

"That's not what I meant. Let's say he does recover, and you two continue your relationship. How long are you going to wait until Bakura's action escalate? Sure, it's just a slap here and there now, but what happens when he's holding a knife when you do something he doesn't like, and stabs you? Are you going to just sit around waiting for that to happen, or God forbid something else, like him raping you?!" Ryou flinched; he didn't want to know what Yami's reaction would be like if he knew what had actually happened.

Yami stood up and began pacing. "Or what happens when he tries to commit suicide again? And don't try to tell me that's not what happened, because I know it was." He added before Ryou could protest. "I know Bakura, he overreacts to everything. I don't know what drove him to suicide, and I don't want to know. But I've seen how much it tore you up this time, what about next time? What if he actually succeeds?"

"Stop it," Ryou whispered, not wanting to hear Yami's words. But Yami ignored him and continued.

"Maybe it would be better if he succeeded, then at least he would have done something to benefit you for a change, instead of just for himself!"

"Yami, stop it!" he said a little louder, but again he was ignored.

"I don't see how Bakura could even say he loved you! I don't even think he knows what real love is, and he certainly doesn't deserve _your_ love!"

"SHUT UP!" Ryou screamed, jumping up from his chair, "JUST SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BAKURA, SO WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE IF HE DESERVES MY LOVE OR NOT?! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING SO JUST SHUT UP!"

Turning, he ran out of the room, not really noticing, or caring, where he was going. He just needed to get away. He didn't want to believe what Yami said. His life wouldn't be better off without Bakura, it would be worse, much worse... right?

Slowing down, Ryou looked around at his surroundings. He must of run down the stairs because he was back in the ER.

"Ryou?" he turned around to see Nurse Hathaway walking towards him, "What are you doing down here?"

"I'm um... I just needed some fresh air."

"Oh, well, I can show you to the courtyard we have. It's really pretty, and a great place to think." She said, almost reading his mind. That was all he wanted right now, to think things over.

Taking his hand, she lead him through a part of the hospital he had never been before. "So how's your brother doing?"

"Better."

"That's good. I'm glad."

"Thanks. And thank you for being so nice to me and getting me food the night we came in."

"Oh it was no problem." She smiled, coming to a door that lead out to a little courtyard. "Here we are."

"Thank you." Ryou opened the door, walking out into the garden. It really was beautiful. The cherry trees were in blossom and the flowers were just starting to open up.

Walking over to a bench, Ryou sat down, burying his face in his hands.

'_Yami doesn't know what he's talking about... Bakura deserved my love... he's sweet and caring... well, most of the time anyway... he's just... misunderstood... and even if... he didn't deserve my love, it's my choice to give it to whoever I want.'_

'_So is that how he shows his love in return then? By hitting and raping you?'_

'_No, he didn't mean to...'_

'_What are you talking about? He had every intention in do those things.'_

'_Well he obviously felt remorse, since he tried to kill himself._

'_How do you know he wasn't just running away from the consequences?'_

'_Because he loves me!'_

'_Does he?'_

'_...yes. I really do believe he loves me...'_

'_And so your just going to sit by as he continues to abuse you?'_

'_Not abuse... just... accidently...'_

'_You could find someone else, you know...'_

'_No, I don't want anyone else.'_

'_If he just... didn't wake up, yes it would be tragic, but you would move on.'_

'_Stop it! He's going to wake up!'_

'_You could find someone who you aren't in constant fear of angering... who you aren't embarrassed to be with in public... who you don't doubt your love for...'_

'_I don't... doubt... my love for Bakura...'_

'_Maybe you didn't before, but you feel it now... you hear that nagging voice in the back of your mind asking if this is really suppose to last...'_

'_Maybe... it would be better ... if he were gone...'_

'_There you go... You deserve better...'_

'_Wait... I deserve...?'_

'_Yes, you deserve so much better than Bakura.'_

'_I deserve to be with who ever I want.'_

'_Yes.'_

'_And I want to be with Bakura!'_

'_But-'_

'_No, I don't care if I deserve better! I want to be with Bakura!'_

Standing up, Ryou walked back through the garden and back inside, blocking out any other thoughts. He focused his full attention on everything around him; the color of the walls, the patients walking through the halls, the clown handing out balloons to the kids... anything to keep his mind away from the thoughts that were fighting for his attention.

Stepping into the elevator, he decided to distract himself by playing a game that he and Bakura used to play at the mall. Looking at the man who was standing in the corner humming a tune, Ryou tried to come up with a story for him. '_Lets see.. His suit looks expensive, so he's probably a successful businessman. There's a ring on his finger, so he's married, but he's having an affair. The woman he's secretly seeing is here at the hospital, and he's humming the song his mother used to sing to him when he was young to try to calm his nerves because he's worried about being caught._'

A bell rang and the elevator doors opened. The man looked over at Ryou, doing a double take when he noticed the way he was staring at him like he had done something wrong. "Um... Is this your floor?"

"What? Oh yeah," he hadn't been paying attention to the floors. Stepping out, he turned to walk down the hallway.

"Ryou!" Turning around, he saw Kennedy rolling her wheelchair towards him. Her cast was now almost completely covered in writing, but he blushed when he noticed she had circled where he had signed, keeping all over signatures away from his. He hadn't wanted to give her the wrong idea...

"Hey," he said, being very careful not to do or say anything that might be interpreted as suggestive.

"Well, my mom's being discharged today," she said, smiling sweetly.

"That's great!"

"Yeah. Actually, I'm glad I caught you again before we left."

Ryou shifted uncomfortably, hoping this wasn't heading where he thought it was. "Erm... why is that?"

"I was wondering if I could get your number. Maybe we could hang out sometime."

"...just hang out?"

"Well, actually... I Just broke up with my boyfriend recently... and I was wondering if you were maybe interested..." she trailed off, glancing up hopefully.

Ryou sighed. He hated having to do this... "I'm sorry, Kennedy. I'm actually seeing someone right now..."

"Oh, why am I not surprised..." she said, deflating, "The cute ones are always taken or gay." She smiled, bounciness returning incredibly fast. "Well, I'm really glad I got to meet you, Ryou."

"Yeah, you, too." he almost fell backwards as she glomped him, which was quite a feat in a wheel chair.

"Bye!" She said cheerily, rolling into the elevator.

Turning back down the hallway, he was suddenly in a sad mood. He didn't feel that guilty turning down Kennedy, since he knew it would have never worked out anyway, but what happened if the same thing occurred with someone Ryou really liked? Would he be so quick to turn them down and stay faithful to Bakura? He liked to believe so, but he knew in his heart, he wasn't completely sure. He didn't want to find out.

Stepping back into the room, he was relieved to see that Yami was gone. Sitting back down in his chair, he felt better than he had for the entire time they had been there. Just getting out of the room and walking around had helped immensely. Laying his head down next to Bakura's, he took his hand in his like he did so often. Listening to the monitors, he started to drift off.

_Dreaming, he saw Bakura lying next to him in a meadow surrounded by pine trees, laughing, looking the happiest Ryou had ever seen him. Smiling, he pointed up towards the sky and Ryou turned to look up into the thousands of starts scattered across black velvet. Bakura moved closer, pressing their bodies together._

"_For every star," he said, pointing in turn to random twinkling lights above them, "I thought of one thing I love about you. Unfortunately," he placed a hand on Ryou's cheek, turning his head to look at him. Leaning forward, he pressed their lips together in a sweet kiss. Pulling away, he looked Ryou in the eyes. "I ran out of stars." _

_Ryou closed his eyes, never wanted to move from this place, so close to the one he loved. He never wanted this moment to end..._

"AH!" Ryou sat up, quickly remembering where he was. He could have sworn he had just felt Bakura squeeze his hand. Looking at his dark, he saw no change from how he had looked for the past two weeks.

'_It was probably just my imagination_,' he thought, returning his head to the bed, '_I want it so much that I imagined it..._'

*squeeze*

Ryou sat back up. There had been no doubt about it this time, Bakura had squeezed his hand. "Bakura? Can you hear me?" he asked, standing up. "If you can hear me, squeeze my hand twice." He waiting in silence, hoping beyond hope to feel anything. And then...

*squeeze* and a second later, *squeeze*

"OH MY GOD!" Ryou yelled, jumped up and slamming his hand on the call button. "Bakura, thank God!"

A few seconds later a nurse rushed in. "What is it?"

"He's awake!"

"I'll go get the doctor." The nurse left and Ryou turned back to Bakura.

"You're going to be ok," he said, massaging the back of his hand. Slowly, Bakura opened his yes, slightly panicked, looking around the unfamiliar room. "It's ok, I'm right here," Ryou said softly. Bakura relaxed, spotting Ryou, and lifted his hand to his mouth, feeling the tube there. He gave Ryou a questioning look, but before he could answer, the doctor walked in.

"Ah, glad to see your back, Bakura. You have a tube down your throat that was helping you breath, so you can't talk. Since you're able to breath on your own now, I'll go ahead and take it out." He said, walking over to the other side of the bed. "So when I pull the tube out, I want you to blow like your blowing out birthday candles. Ready?" Bakura nodded. "Alright. One, two, three, blow."

The doctor pulled and the tube slid out, making Bakura cough. Sucking in air, he leaned back against the pillow.

"How are you feeling?" the doctor asked, placing the tube on a tray and picking up a chart.

"Like hell..." Bakura mumbled, closing his eyes.

"Well, let's just be thankful you're feeling anything at all."

"What happened?"

"I'll let your brother explain that."

"My... brother?"

"Ryou?" the doctor said, looking up from the chart he was writing on.

"Oh right. Ryou." Bakura looked over to Ryou with an amused look to which he only shrugged.

"Well I'll be back in a bit to check on you," the doctor said, getting up to leave.

After he was gone, Bakura looked back to Ryou. "So, what happened?"

"Well, how much to do you remember?"

"I... not much... The last thing I can think of is coming home from school."

"That's it?"

"Uh, yeah. Why? What happened?"

"Well, we had a fight... and I guess you were trying to make it up to me... But I wasn't in the mood... and you carried me to the bed..."

"Oh please, don't repeat this part... I remember now..." Bakura groaned, memories flooding back to him. "After that, I remember being on a bridge, and looking down at the water... and then I was falling, and you screamed my name. And then, I woke up here."

"Yeah you were trying to kill yourself," Ryou said quietly.

"Yeah... how did I survive?"

"There was a man on a fishing boat, and he dove down and pulled you out."

"A fishing boat? In the middle of the night? On a river with no fish in it?"

"Now that you mention it, that is strange..." Ryou said, only now wondering what the man had been doing out there. '_I never go this name either..._' he thought.

"So he pulled me out?" Bakura asked,

"Yeah, he got you breathing again and then the paramedics brought you here. You've been in a coma for two weeks."

"Two weeks?! It felt like five minutes ago!"

"That's bizarre... this has been the longest two weeks of my life."

"Have you been here the entire time?"

"Yeah..." A silence fell over the two. Bakura looked like he was fighting with himself, deciding if he should say something.

"You know, this doesn't change how I feel..." he said finally, looking up at Ryou, "I still think you deserve better than me."

"Bakura, stop it," Ryou scolded, not wanting to have this conversation yet.

"No, I know you don't agree with me, but it's true. You shouldn't have to settle for someone like me."

"I'm not settling!"

"I don't know how you don't hate me after what I did... you would have every justification to. But I can't continue like this, in fear that I'll hurt you, or that someday you'll realize how much better you can do than me."

"What are you saying?" Ryou asked, fighting back tears.

"I'm asking you... to move on. At least until I can get my life together."

"No, Bakura, I won't lave you!"

"Then I'll leave you!" Bakura yelled, his heart breaking at the look on Ryou's face. It killed him to do this...

"You don't... love me anymore?" Ryou whispered, tears falling down his face.

"No, don't ever think that, Ryou... I love you with all of my heart, but if I stay here with you, the cycle will continue, and I won't get better."

"But you'll come back...?"

"Yes, I promise. I don't know how long it will take me, but I will come back. I'm so sorry it has to be this way..."

Ryou leaned down and kissed Bakura, his tears staining both of their faces. Bakura kissed back, committing his taste to memory. Ryou whimpered as he broke apart, but he looked him in the eyes. "That won't be our last. I promise."

Ryou nodded, talking a step back, "I love you, Bakura."

"I love you, too..."

Walking to the door, he looked back, taking one last look. Bakura nodded, and he opened the door, stepping out of the room.

For the first time in his life, Bakura wanted to cry. His whole life had just walked out the door and he had been the one to push him out. But he could not bring himself to feel guilty. This was what hat to happen, no matter how painful it was. Closing his eyes, he prayed he had made the right decision.

* * *

A week later, Bakura was transferred to a normal room downstairs. The doctors wanted to keep an eye on him for a little longer, but thankfully, today he was being discharged. As a nurse was wheeling him out, he was almost happy. Almost. He was glad to be getting out of here finally, but what awaited him on the outside was far less appealing.

"Hey wait!" the clerk at the admit desk yelled just before Bakura was out the door. She ran up, carrying a key. "Your brother left your car here so you could get home."

"Oh, thanks..." Well that answered his question about transportation.

The nurse wheeled him outside and was about to push him down the ramp when he waved her off. "I can do it on my own." She shrugged, heading back inside.

Pushing himself out to the parking lot, he looked out over the sea of cars and realized he had no idea where the care was parked. "Great..." he grumbled, rolling down the first row of cars.

Almost an hour later, he finally came upon the familiar beat up sedan. His arms were exhausted; he would definitely have to get used to this wheelchair thing...

Opening the backdoor, he hopped up on his good leg, folding the chair and throwing it in the back seat. Hopping up to the front door, he started to lose his balance, and grabbed the door handle. The door opened, knocking him over.

"Fuck!" he yelled, startling a few people who were walking by. He glared at them, and they quickly kept walking. Struggling to get up, he finally managed to pull himself into the driver's seat. Closing the door, he was glad his knee high cast was on his left leg. At least he would still drive.

Fifteen minutes later, he pulled up to the house he and Ryou had lived for a while. Getting out his wheelchair, he approached the front door, not knowing what to expect.

Opening the door, he wheeled into the living room, flipping on the light. In the middle of the room was a stack of boxes, a note attached to the closest. Bakura came over and took it, reading Ryou's writing.

_Bakura,_

_I packed up your things. I'm staying with Yugi and Yami until I find a place of my own. I've thought about what you said, and I think it would be best for everyone if you left town, at least until you're ready to come back._

_I love you,_

_Ryou_

Tearing off the bottom two lines, Bakura crumpled up the rest of the note and stuck it in his pocket. Pick up a few boxes, he went back to the car, putting them in the trunk. After a few trips, all of the boxes were in the car, and he closed the front door, locking it. Getting into the car, he took one last look at the house before driving away.

Cranking up the radio, he got on the highway, letting the road lead him. He knew it would take awhile, but he would become somebody that Ryou didn't have to be afraid of; someone who deserved his love; someone he could be proud of. Oh yes, he would be back.

* * *

Tada! I wonder if anyone will get any of my references. This chapter was loooong it took me forever to type... And I think this story has potential for a sequel! The sequel is called Undeniable so go look on my profile for it! Thanks so much for reading, send me a review and tell me what you thought, and then check out Undeniable! Hope you enjoyed the story!


End file.
